*Sigh*

Some days I wonder if it's good to track my ups and downs this way or not.. just over a week ago I was having a very good day and today I'm feeling overwhelmed again. It's been 2 weeks since I sent out my support letters and while I have received some response.. I am no where close to having enough to go. On top of that my car still has not sold. I don't even have anyone interested. It's starting to make me wonder if I missed God on the timing of all of this. Originally I picked September because it seemed like a good amount of time and I knew if I didn't have a date I'd never get things done. Then because of some of the visa things I thought maybe it was going to be more like January 2010. After a week or so of struggle I gave in and told God I didn't care.. that I just wanted His will. (I'd told Him before but I meant it this time!) The very next day I got some news that I wasn't going to have to wait that long. I took this to mean that I didn't need to wait that long and it could come through much sooner. As September was getting closer and closer and things weren't happening yet I thought "Ok, October." That was always a possibility because of visa stuff anyway. Well, it's now the middle of the month and I'm not really any closer. I sought wise council about my support letters and with that and many prayers I sent them out proclaiming I would be leaving in October. To leave in October I really need to quit by the 9th or 16th at the latest. I want to have down time with my family and time to get packed before I go. To quit the 9th means I have to turn in my 2 weeks notice a week from today. Unless something Earth-shattering happens this next week that's just not going to happen.
Wednesday night service was amazing. Pastor focused a lot on having the Peace of the Lord and that God would work things out in His timing. I left feeling refreshed and excited. But 2 days later I've only got a hold of that peace by a fingernail. I hate that my human nature can lose it so quickly.
All of this just leaves me confused. I know this is God's plan for my life. Although I have moments where I don't trust myself I know in my bones He's been telling me this since I first stepped foot in Belfast October 2004. I want to do this right.. I want to do it in His timing and I truly do not want to push it or make it about me. At the same time I have to do my part to make it happen. That's a very fine line..
I know God will come through and I know it'll be in His timing. I just feel like we're close enough now that I need to know a least a little of the plan!